Hi, I’m ECMSquared. You may remember me from such popular websites as Cadred, The Border House and Nerd Vice… or not (probably the latter).

Cheap Simpsons rip off aside, however (sorry, Mr McClure, but I’m terrible at introductions), I’m Ella, and all being well I should be providing you with weekly ramblings on the world of PC gaming. As far my credentials are concerned, I have been gaming for pretty much as long as I can remember, the Amiga having been my first ever home PC. These days I’m the owner of a somewhat middle-aged gaming PC (I call her Kitty) as well as a stability-challenged and oft-abused laptop (Lenny), and tend to be found lurking online (and/or gaming) in some shape or form at most hours of the day or night.

So what’s this week’s offering?

Ladies and gentlemen, I humbly present to you:

FIVE THINGS YOU’LL HARDLY EVER HEAR AFTER LOSING A MATCH IN AN ONLINE GAME

Online gaming often brings out the worst in people, and it’s a sad fact that few players are gracious in either victory or defeat. Below are a few choice phrases that, in my experience, are hardly ever exchanged following the conclusion of an unsuccessful online multiplayer game. Come on, guys; why can’t we all just get along?

• “Sorry for losing my temper back there” – There’s always one member of your team who completely flips out over a (usually) insignificant thing before subsequently spending the rest of the game either sulking or hurling further abuse (in other words, not actually playing the game).
  
• “Well played, guys” – This could come from either your own team or the opposition… but it so rarely does. Usually it’ll be something along the lines of “HAHAHAHA NOOBS” – often with a handful of colourful expletives thrown in – or a simple “gg” despite the game having been anything but good (I mean come on: half our team disconnected and you facerolled us; how is that an example of a good game?).
• “It was my fault we lost” – Yeah. Now, honestly, how often are you going to hear this one? Usually it’s no one person in particular’s fault if a game starts going down the tube (unless it undoubtedly is, of course), but an awareness that maybe you might have contributed just a little bit is nice.
• “Good game, but shame about your missing team members/s” – Now this one I have actually heard a few times, just not very often. It’s always unfortunate when a team loses somebody either due to Internet problems, computer death or a rather more preventable rage quit, and while a loss is not always inevitable it tends to not help your chances. While the euphoria of pulling off a win when the odds are stacked against you is hard to beat, the misery a loss is made even more painful when your opponents insist on rubbing it in.
• “Thanks, you really saved my posterior back there” – Just common courtesy really. Again, such politeness isn’t totally absent in the gaming community, but it tends to be quite rare. People are generally far more eager to jump down your throat when something goes wrong rather than thank you for doing something right (such as preventing your teammate’s obviously suicidal tactics from getting them killed, for example).