Everyone is speculating what exactly will be revealed at the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) in Los Angeles next week. Key announcements regarding new videogames hardware and software are expected (see our previous E3 blog post) but these are just a few of our own (admittedly ridiculous) predictions…

PlayStation 4: Lose the disks (and your data!)
Someone has got to take the lead in the suspected all-digital future of video games consoles and we predict that Sony will be at the forefront. With a secure, reliable online gaming network like PSN they’re already demonstrating that they could handle the data required to switch to a disk-less software model…oh wait…the hacking…
Maybe not.
StartendoBucks: Literal Nintendo Cafe
Many rumours have been circulating regarding Nintendo’s next console for 2012, which is currently only known as ‘Project Cafe’ but we’re convinced that E3 will reveal that the console will actually provide its players with coffee to keep them gaming for longer – well, their recent novelty based consoles did tire the serious gamer sect all too quickly! *WINK*
All that’s left to do is to decide whether the device would look better in your living room or kitchen!
Games are supplied on Tassimo T-Disks for both style and your convenience.
Kinect Klassics: Motion Madness
Microsoft is keen to keep tempting female casual gamers over to the manly 360 side and they feel that the motion sensitive Kinect peripheral is just the tool to do this! Title predictions included Superstore Sweep which provides housewives with the perfect opportunity to practise-run their weekly shop before heading to their local supermarket proper. Practise reaching for the goodies on the top shelves, be sure to tick off items from your shopping list as you go and for God’s sake, don’t let your trolley collide with that of another shopper! I unfortunately cannot promise that the orange-faced Dale Winton will not make an appearance during the game.
Gamers can choose between European Tesco and Americanised Wal-Mart editions.
Loose Women: Kinect meanwhile makes it feel as the British day time magazine show (which favours all topics that are of interest to middle aged women desperately attempting to cling to their youth) is being hosted in your very own living room! Lucky you! Tasks include flicking your hair every twenty two seconds, making a sexual innuendo out of every single comment uttered (using the 360 headset) and ensuring to incessantly stroke every male guest until you’ve convinced yourself that they just might climb into bed with you (the ‘Convinced’ bar makes this task easy).
It’s not just an oestrogen fest however with Toilet Seat Flip Down landing just for men. Practise the apparent daily struggle that is putting the toilet seat down after having a tinkle. Failing to do so will see you receive a rolling pin smack to the back of the head from your angry wife and spilling urine will see beastly germs pop out of the bowls and attack you! Work your way up from the singular bog in your home to levels containing an endless “stream” of cubicles, akin to those you would find in a city train station.
Power ups include “The Barry Scott” in which the Cillit Bang aficionado arrives to eradicate the current wave of enemies on your behalf.
Please note that these games are the result of a twisted imagination and they will never actually see the light of day.
Hopefully.
Even if TSFD does sound incredible…
Be sure to check back to the Novatech blog throughout next week for the real announcements from E3 as well as some special promotions from Novatech to celebrate the event.